Many have come to me for family and personal counseling complaining about severed relationships with spouses, children, kinship and in laws. Relationships are complicated, and conflict often develop when one’s interest, views, perspectives are in contradiction with the others’. Lack of empathy-the cognitive ability to identify and respond to other people’s feelings- is the main source of miscommunication that leads to an avalanche of misbehavior and create a havoc in relationships. I can summarize all of the above in one point…The ego.

Whether one is the source of the problem, because he/she is egoistic; or, in the other hand, one being the sufferer who is totally absorbed and entangled in a web of worries, resentments, revenge, and frustrations of how one could make the perpetrators understand how wrong they are so that they may change their behaviors. To both kinds…I write this post.
I was contemplating about the meaning of the following verse of the Quran:

And every one of them will come to God alone on the Day of Resurrection (without any helper, or protector or defender)”
[Maryam 19:93-95]

{In the hereafter, God will say:}

“You have come to Us alone just as We created you at first. You have left behind all those whom We made your friends and We do not see with you any of the intercessors whom you believed to be your partners. Your relations with them have certainly been destroyed and your belief in them has left you (in the dark).” ] – Interpretation of ( Al-An’am 94 )

If this is the case, if we truly believe that we all belong to our Creator and to Him we shall return, alone without any spouses, children, parents or siblings, or any worldly possessions; this realization simplifies the complexities of the conflicts in relationships.
A true believer will put God in the center of his/her calculation when measuring anything and everything in life. Once God is dominant; then ego, and the conflict that stems from it, will surely be resolved.
Ego creates greed, selfishness, injustice, prejudice, and inequality. On the other hand, a believer push away this malaise by being fair, compassionate, a giver, a forgiver, a person of grace and perseverance. True faith discipline the ego and creates a well-balanced individual.

God says in the Quran: Surah AlForqan vs. 20: “And We have made some of you [people] as trial for one another – will you persevere? And ever is your Lord, The All-Seeing.”
God The Almighty Guide us in the case of conflict and animosity: “Surah Fussilat – Verse 34
وَلا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلا السَّيِّئَةُ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ
34. (The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel [the evil] with one which is better; then verily he between whom and you there was enmity [will become] as though he was a close friend.)

This reveal to us that a believer lives through life knowing that one is only responsible for one’s actions. Regardless of how others treat him/her, a believer will continue do what is good, right and just.
Trust in God, for whom who trust in their Creator will never go astray and will never lose.

“When we heard the Guidance, we believed in it, and whosoever believes in his Lord shall fear neither deprivation nor injustice.” Chapter 72:vs.13

I pray that we reflect upon this concept and contemplate.  Compassion is far more positive and beneficial than feeding the fire of the ego.



One thought on “The Ego & Marital Conflicts©

  1. Can I share this in Facebook? As you have really explained well and can make my family and friends and foremost myself, to reflect on this concept which I believe is very important so to bring peace in our lives. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

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